It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
