didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
