can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize