you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
