ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize