I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
