Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
