Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
