I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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