my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
