I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
