I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
