I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
