I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
