If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
