Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
