Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
