So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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