I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
