um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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