It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
