I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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