i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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