I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This baby is an asshole
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
