Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
wow bdsm is so cute
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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