Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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