do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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