I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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