yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
