I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
