Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
