I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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