If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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