the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
