I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
