MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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