I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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