KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
