i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
