We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
