I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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