I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream