I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.