You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.