do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework