i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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