I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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