You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
