i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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