I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
