I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
