Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
