I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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