DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
