just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
