I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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