This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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