I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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