it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
