yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
