The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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