I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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