feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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