i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Randomize
