So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
