I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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