His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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