I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
