Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
