He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize