I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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