It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Text me some of your sweat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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