Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
