Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
