Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I will die if light touches me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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