I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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