clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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