mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize