you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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