so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
