I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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