Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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