Princesses don't give blow jobs
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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